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Not really Funny
545 People
1. Politicians are the only people in the world who
create problems and then campaign against them.
2. Have you ever wondered why, if both the Democrats and
the Republicans are against deficits, we have deficits?
3. Have you ever wondered why, if all the politicians
are against inflation and high taxes, we have inflation
and high taxes?
4. You and I don't propose a federal budget. The
president does.
5. You and I don't have the Constitutional authority to
vote on appropriations. The House of Representatives
does.
6. You and I don't write the tax code, Congress does.
7. You and I don't set fiscal policy, Congress does.
8. You and I don't control monetary policy, The Federal
Reserve Bank does.
9. One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one president
and nine Supreme Court justices - 545 human beings out
of the 300 million - are directly, legally, morally and
individually responsible for the domestic problems that
plague this country.
10. I excluded the members of the Federal Reserve Board
because that problem was created by the Congress.
11. In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty
to provide a sound currency to a federally chartered but
private central bank.
12. I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists
for a sound reason. They have no legal authority.
13. They have no ability to coerce a senator, a
congressman or a president to do one cotton-picking
thing.
14. I don't care if they offer a politician $1 million
dollars in cash. The politician has the power to accept
or reject it.
No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is the
legislator's responsibility to determine how he votes.
15. Those 545 human beings spend much of their energy
convincing you that what they did is not their fault.
16. They cooperate in this common con regardless of
party.
17. What separates a politician from a normal human
being is an excessive amount of gall.
18. No normal human being would have the gall of a
Speaker, who stood up and criticized the President for
creating deficits.
19. The president can only propose a budget.
20. He cannot force the Congress to accept it.
21. The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the
land, gives sole responsibility to the House of
22. Representatives for originating and approving
appropriations and taxes.
23. Who is the speaker of the House?
24. She is the leader of the majority party.
25. She and fellow House members, not the president, can
approve any budget they want.
26. If the president vetoes it, they can pass it over
his veto
if they agree to.
27. It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300
million can not replace 545 people who stand convicted
-- by present facts - of incompetence and
irresponsibility.
28. I can't think of a single domestic problem that
is not traceable directly to those 545 people.
29. When you fully grasp the plain truth that 545 people
exercise the power
of the federal government, then it must follow that what
exists is what they want to exist.
30. If the tax code is unfair, it's because they want it
unfair.
31. If the budget is in the red, it's because they want
it in the red.
32. If the Marines are in IRAQ, it's because they want
them in IRAQ.
33.
If they do not receive social security but are on an
elite retirement plan not available to the people, it's
because they want it that way.
34.
There are no insoluble government problems.
35. Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to
bureaucrats, whom they hire and whose jobs they can
abolish; to lobbyists, whose gifts and advice they can
reject; to regulators, to whom they give the power to
regulate and from whom they can take this power.
36. Above all, do not let them con you into the belief
that there exists disembodied mystical forces like 'the
economy,' 'inflation' or 'politics' that prevent them
from doing what they take an oath to do.
37. Those 545 people, and they alone, are responsible.
38. They, and they alone, have the power.
39. They, and they alone, should be held accountable by
the people who are their bosses - provided the voters
have the gumption to manage their own employees
40. We should vote all of them out of office and clean
up their mess!
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MINUTES
A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known spot.
He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light
brightly glowing. The cop carefully approaches the car
to get a closer look.
Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a
computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman
in the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising
situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on
the driver's window.
The young man lowers his window. 'Uh, yes, officer?'
The cop says: 'What are you doing?'
The young man says: 'Well, Officer, I'm reading a
magazine.'
Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the
cop says: 'And her, what is she doing?'
The young man shrugs: 'Sir, I believe she's knitting a
pullover sweater.'
Now, the cop is totally confused. A young couple. Alone,
in a car, at night in a Lover's lane....and nothing
obscene is happening!
The cop asks: 'What's your age, young man?'
The young man says:' I'm 22, sir.'
The cop asks: 'And her ... what's her age?'
The young man looks at his watch and replies: 'She'll be
18 in 11 minutes
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Underwear dust
One evening a husband, thinking he was being
funny, said to his wife 'Perhaps we should start
washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it
would take a few inches off of your butt!'
His wife was not amused, and decided that she
simply couldn't let such a comment go
un-rewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of
underwear out of his drawer. 'What the Hell is
this??' he said to himself as a little 'dust'
cloud appeared when he shook them out.
'April,' he hollered into the bathroom, 'why did
you put talcum powder in my underwear?'
She replied ...'It's not talcum powder......It's
'Miracle Grow'
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"Illegal Alien counterfeit
ID of the week"
This is an actual driver's license an illegal
alien had.
Sure must like his girlfirend.
Can you say Stupid
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I cannot figure out why we are even bothering to
hold an election.
On one side, you have a bitch who is a lawyer,
married to a
lawyer, and a lawyer who is married to a bitch who
is a lawyer.
On the other side, you have a true war hero married
to a woman
with a huge chest who owns a beer distributorship.
why is there a contest here?
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A father passing by his son's bedroom was
astonished to see that his bed was nicely made
and everything was picked up.
Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently
on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.' With
the worst premonition he opened the envelope
with trembling hands and read the letter.
Dear Dad: It is with great regret and sorrow
that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new
girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene
with mom and you. I have been finding real
passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I
knew you would not approve of her because of all
her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes,
and the fact that she is much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion Dad, she's
pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy.
She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack
of firewood for the whole winter. We share a
dream of having many more children. Stacy has
opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana
doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it
for ourselves and trading it with the other
people that live nearby for cocaine and
ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that
science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can
get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Dad.
I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit
so that you can get to know your grandchildren.
Love, Your Son John
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at
Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that
there are worse things in life than the report
card that's in my center desk drawer. I love
you. Call me when it's safe to come home.
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Subject: Doctors Vs. Gun
Owners
Facts about Doctors
(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000.
(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year
are 120,000.
(C) Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171.
Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health Human
Services.
Facts about Gun Owners
A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is
80,000,000. (Yes, that's 80
million)
(B) The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all
age groups, is
1,500.
(C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is
.000188.
Statistics courtesy of FBI
So, statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000
times more dangerous
than gun owners.
Remember, 'Guns don't kill people, doctors do!'
FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS
AT LEAST ONE
DOCTOR.
Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We
must ban doctors
before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!
Out of concern for the public at large, I withheld the
statistics on
lawyers for fear the shock would cause people to panic
and seek medical
attention! |
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