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Harry Truman
Harry Truman: When President Truman
retired from office in 1952, his income was
substantially a U.S. Army pension reported to have been
$13,507.72 a year. Congress, noting that he was paying
for his stamps and personally licking them, granted him
an 'allowance' and, later, a retroactive pension of
$25,000 per year. When offered corporate positions at
large salaries, he declined, stating, 'You don't want
me. You want the office of the president, and that
doesn't belong to me. It belongs to the American people
and it's not for sale.' Even later, on May 6, 1971, when
Congress was preparing to ward hi m the Medal of Honor
on his 87th birthday, he refused to accept it,
writing: 'I don't consider that I have done anything
which should be the reason for any award, Congressional
or otherwise.' Was good old Harry Truman correct when he
observed, 'My choice early in life was either to be a
piano player in a whorehouse or a politician. And to
tell the truth, there's hardly any difference.' |
Why Arizona has no Daylight Saving Time
The state of Arizona listened to the Wise Old Indian.
When told the reason for daylight saving time the old
Indian said, 'Only a white man would believe that you
could cut a foot off the top of a blanket and sew it to
the bottom of a blanket and have a longer blanket.
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Last night my sister
and I were sitting in the den and I said to her, "I
never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on
some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive.
That would be no quality of life at all.
If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
So she got up, unplugged the computer, and tossed my
wine in the garbage.
She's such a bitch. |
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Some
people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything,
But they still bring a smile to your face when you push
them down a flight of stairs
Global Warming
The biggest money making swindle for governments and
media in the world today.
Are you one of those being conned? |
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SCHOOL ANSWERING MACHINE
This is hilarious - no wonder some people were
offended! This is the message that the Pacific
Palisades High School California staff voted
unanimously to record on their school telephone
answering machine. This is the actual answering
machine message for the school. This came about
because they implemented a policy requiring students
and parents to be responsible for their children's
absences and missing homework.
The school and teachers are being sued by parents
who want their children's failing grades changed to
passing grades - even though those children were
absent 15-30 times during the semester and did
not complete enough school work to pass their
classes.
The outgoing message:
Hello! You have reached the automated answering
service of your school. In order to assist you in
connecting to the right staff member, please listen
to all the options before making a selection:
To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1
To make excuses for why your child did not do his
work -Press 2
To complain about what we do - Press 3
To swear at staff members - Press 4
To ask why you didn't get information that was
already enclosed in
your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you -
Press 5
If you want us to raise your child - Press 6
If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit
someone - Press 7
To request another teacher, for the third time this
year - Press 8
To complain about bus transportation - Press 9
To complain about school lunches - Press 0
If you realize this is the real world and your
child must be accountable and responsible for
his/her own behavior, class work, homework and that
it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack
of effort: Hang up and have a nice day! If you want
this in Spanish, move to a country that speaks it
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The Haircut
One day a florist goes to a barber
for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill
and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.'The
florist was pleased and left the shop. When the
barber goes to open his shop the next morning there
is a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for
him at his door.
Later, a policeman comes in for a haircut, and w hen
he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies,
'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community
service this week.' The policeman is happy and
leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber
goes to open up there is a 'thank you' card and a
dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Later that day, a college professor comes in for a
haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the
barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.' The
professor is very happy and leaves the shop. The
next morning when the barber opens his shop, there
is a 'thank you' card and a dozen different books,
such as 'How to Improve Your Business' and 'Becoming
More Successful.'
Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when
he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, 'I
cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community
service this week.' The Congressman is very happy
and leaves the shop. The next morning when the
barber goes to open up, there are a dozen
Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut. And
that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental
difference between the citizens of our country and
the members of our Congress
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Only in Texas my
friends... Only in Texas .....
Too bad......
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a
sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than
the deputy because he is a lawyer from New
York and is
certain that he has a better education then any cop from Houston , Texas .
He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun
at the Texas deputy'
s expense. The
deputy says,' License and registration, please.' 'What
for?' says the lawyer.
The deputy says, 'You didn't come to a complete stop at
the stop sign.'
Then the lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was
coming.'
'You still didn't come to a complete stop, Says the
deputy. License and registration, please.' The
lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'
'The difference is you have to come to complete stop,
that's the law License and registration, please!' the
Deputy says. Lawyer
says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between
slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and
registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you
let me go and don't give me the ticket.'That sounds
fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir,' the deputy says. At
this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and
starts beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says,
'Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?' |
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AIN'T IT THE TRUTH!!?
Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm
clock for
6 am.
(MADE IN JAPAN )
While his coffeepot
(MADE IN CHINA )
was perking, he shaved with his electric razor
(MADE IN HONG KONG
).
He put on a
dress
shirt
(MADE IN SRI LANKA ),
Designer
jeans
(MADE IN SINGAPORE )
and tennis shoes
(MADE IN KOREA )
After cooking his breakfast in his new
electric skillet
(MADE IN INDIA )
he sat down with his calculator
(MADE IN MEXICO )
to see how much he could spend today. After setting
his watch
(MADE IN TAIWAN )
to the radio
(MADE IN INDIA )
he got in his car
(MADE IN GERMANY )
filled it with GAS
(FROM SAUDI ARABIA )
and continued his search
for a good paying
AMERICAN
JOB.
At the end
of yet another discouraging
and fruitless day checking his
Computer
(MADE IN MALAYSIA ),
Joe decided to relax for a
while.
He put on his sandals
(MADE IN BRAZIL )
poured himself a glass of
wine
(MADE IN FRANCE )
and turned on his TV
(MADE IN INDONESIA ),
and then wondered
why he can't find a good paying job
in AMERICA .
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My Lexus!
A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Lexus in
front of the
office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he
opened the door a
truck came roaring past and completely tore off the
driver's door of the
Lexus. The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone and
dialed 911.
When a policeman arrived, the lawyer was still screaming
hysterically.
His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before,
was now
completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter
how the body
shop tried to make it new again.
After the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting,
the cop shook his head in disgust. "I can't believe how
materialistic you lawyers are", he said. "You are so
focused on your possessions that you don't notice
anything else." "How can you say such a thing?" asked
the lawyer. The cop replied, "Didn't you notice that
your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must
have been torn off when the truck hit you."
The lawyer looked down to his left side and let
out a terrible scream: "Oh my God!!! ... MY ROLEX!"
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The Cannibal
A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon
a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling
somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...
Tourist: $5.00
Broiled Missionary: $10.00
Fried Explorer: $15.00
Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $100.00
The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, “Why such
a price difference for the Politicians?”
The cook replied, “Have you ever tried to clean one?
They're so full of crap, it takes all morning.”
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COMPUTER PROBLEMS
I was having trouble with my computer. So I called my
little neighbor, the 11 year
old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control,
and asked him to come over.
Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the
problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what
was wrong?
He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless
inquired, 'An, ID ten T
error?
What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Richard grinned.... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten
T error before?'
No,' I replied. 'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think
you'll figure it
out.'
So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T ...
I used to like that little shit.............
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Do you remember?
The clothes line....a dead give away. Do the kids
today even know what a
clothes line is?
For all of us who are older, this will bring back the
memories.
THE BASIC RULES
1. You had to wash the clothes line before hanging any
clothes. Walk the
length of each line with a damp cloth around the line.
2. You had to hang the clothes in a certain order and
always hang whites with
whites and hang them first.
3. You never hung a shirt by the shoulders, always by
the tail. What would the
neighbors think?
4. Wash day on a Monday...........never hang clothes
on the weekend or Sunday
for heaven's sake!
5. Hang the sheets and towels on the outside lines so
you could hide your
'unmentionables' in the middle.
6. It didn't matter if it was sub zero
weather.....clothes would 'freeze dry.'
7. Always gather the clothes pins when taking down dry
clothes. Pins left on
the line was 'tacky'.
8. If you were efficient, you would line the clothes
up so that each item did
not need two clothes pins, but shared one of the
clothes pins with the next
washed item.
9. Clothes off of the line before dinner time, neatly
folded in the clothes
basket and ready to be ironed.
10. IRONED?????????? Well, that's a whole other
subject. |
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The U.S. Dollar
The U.S. Dollar on Bush
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I Became Confused when I
heard these terms which reference the word
'service'.
Internal Revenue 'Service'
U.S. Postal 'Service'
Telephone 'Service'
T.V. 'Service'
Civil 'Service'
City & County Public 'Service'
Customer 'Service'
This is not what I thought 'service' meant.
But today, I overheard two farmers talking,
and one of them said he had hired a bull to
'service' a few cows.
BAM!!! It all came into perspective.
I now understand what all those 'service' agencies
are doing to us. |
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