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Yep! That about sums
it up!
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Ronald Reagan
The most terrifying words in the English language
are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'
'The trouble with our liberal friends is not that
they're ignorant; it's just that they know so much
that isn't so.'
'I have wondered at times about what the Ten
Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run
them through the U.S. Congress.'
'Government is like a baby: An alimentary canal with
a big appetite at one end and no sense of
responsibility at the other.'
'The nearest thing to eternal life we will ever see
on this earth is a government program.'
'It has been said that politics is the second oldest
profession. I have learned that it bears a striking
resemblance to the first.'
'Government's view of the economy could be summed up
in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it
keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving,
subsidize it.'
'If we ever forget that we're one nation under God,
then we will be a nation gone under.'
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Harry Truman
Harry Truman: When President Truman
retired from office in 1952, his income was
substantially a U.S. Army pension reported to have been
$13,507.72 a year. Congress, noting that he was paying
for his stamps and personally licking them, granted him
an 'allowance' and, later, a retroactive pension of
$25,000 per year. When offered corporate positions at
large salaries, he declined, stating, 'You don't want
me. You want the office of the president, and that
doesn't belong to me. It belongs to the American people
and it's not for sale.' Even later, on May 6, 1971, when
Congress was preparing to ward hi m the Medal of Honor
on his 87th birthday, he refused to accept it,
writing: 'I don't consider that I have done anything
which should be the reason for any award, Congressional
or otherwise.' Was good old Harry Truman correct when he
observed, 'My choice early in life was either to be a
piano player in a whorehouse or a politician. And to
tell the truth, there's hardly any difference.' |
Why Arizona has no Daylight Saving Time
The state of Arizona listened to the Wise Old Indian.
When told the reason for daylight saving time the old
Indian said, 'Only a white man would believe that you
could cut a foot off the top of a blanket and sew it to
the bottom of a blanket and have a longer blanket.
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Last night my sister
and I were sitting in the den and I said to her, "I
never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on
some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive.
That would be no quality of life at all.
If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
So she got up, unplugged the computer, and tossed my
wine in the garbage.
She's such a bitch. |
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Some
people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything,
But they still bring a smile to your face when you push
them down a flight of stairs
Global Warming
The biggest money making swindle for governments and
media in the world today.
Are you one of those being conned? |
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SCHOOL ANSWERING MACHINE
This is hilarious - no wonder some people were
offended! This is the message that the Pacific
Palisades High School California staff voted
unanimously to record on their school telephone
answering machine. This is the actual answering
machine message for the school. This came about
because they implemented a policy requiring students
and parents to be responsible for their children's
absences and missing homework.
The school and teachers are being sued by parents
who want their children's failing grades changed to
passing grades - even though those children were
absent 15-30 times during the semester and did
not complete enough school work to pass their
classes.
The outgoing message:
Hello! You have reached the automated answering
service of your school. In order to assist you in
connecting to the right staff member, please listen
to all the options before making a selection:
To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1
To make excuses for why your child did not do his
work -Press 2
To complain about what we do - Press 3
To swear at staff members - Press 4
To ask why you didn't get information that was
already enclosed in
your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you -
Press 5
If you want us to raise your child - Press 6
If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit
someone - Press 7
To request another teacher, for the third time this
year - Press 8
To complain about bus transportation - Press 9
To complain about school lunches - Press 0
If you realize this is the real world and your
child must be accountable and responsible for
his/her own behavior, class work, homework and that
it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack
of effort: Hang up and have a nice day! If you want
this in Spanish, move to a country that speaks it
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The Haircut
One day a florist goes to a barber
for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill
and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.'The
florist was pleased and left the shop. When the
barber goes to open his shop the next morning there
is a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for
him at his door.
Later, a policeman comes in for a haircut, and w hen
he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies,
'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community
service this week.' The policeman is happy and
leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber
goes to open up there is a 'thank you' card and a
dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Later that day, a college professor comes in for a
haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the
barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.' The
professor is very happy and leaves the shop. The
next morning when the barber opens his shop, there
is a 'thank you' card and a dozen different books,
such as 'How to Improve Your Business' and 'Becoming
More Successful.'
Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when
he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, 'I
cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community
service this week.' The Congressman is very happy
and leaves the shop. The next morning when the
barber goes to open up, there are a dozen
Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut. And
that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental
difference between the citizens of our country and
the members of our Congress
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Only in Texas my
friends... Only in Texas .....
Too bad......
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a
sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than
the deputy because he is a lawyer from New
York and is
certain that he has a better education then any cop from Houston , Texas .
He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun
at the Texas deputy'
s expense. The
deputy says,' License and registration, please.' 'What
for?' says the lawyer.
The deputy says, 'You didn't come to a complete stop at
the stop sign.'
Then the lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was
coming.'
'You still didn't come to a complete stop, Says the
deputy. License and registration, please.' The
lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'
'The difference is you have to come to complete stop,
that's the law License and registration, please!' the
Deputy says. Lawyer
says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between
slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and
registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you
let me go and don't give me the ticket.'That sounds
fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir,' the deputy says. At
this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and
starts beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says,
'Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?' |
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